For those of you who were disturbed by my poetry, I thank you for your concern. There was, however, no need. I am much stronger than I seem, and simply needed an outlet for some negative thoughts running through my mind. I considered changing this post, or deleting it altogether, but decided against it, as my blog is a record of my journey, be it a good day or bad.
Sometimes it runs through my brain
And the strains fill up my mind.
Though the thought fills me with dread,
The idea seems not unkind.
The music fills me with joy.
The words lock me in place.
Just don't look too close
At the smile on my face.
Seems too simple to hope
That the memories will fade
When my soul is so full
With the friends I have made
The scars on my heart
Flow as deep as the sea.
I will never be whole
But I'll always be me.
- Corinna, 20 October 2006
The spirit is strong,
Or so I thought,
But it proved its own frailty.
Where was the power?
Where was the promise?
I was riding high
On the ideals
Of my convictions and pure rage.
But I faltered
And I failed.
Death would be sweet
At a moment like this.
- Corinna 20 October 2006
5 comments:
These are powerful. Glad you shared them. I hope that the act of writing them helped to exercise the demons that prompted the thoughts.
Coco -
It breaks my heart. It breaks my heart to see you write those words.
I know that it's "just a song", but the fact that you put them in your blog makes them more than that.
And I remember the name of the song, "Suicide is Painless." But it is not painless for those you leave behind. I have come to realize that, although it doesn't stop those thoughts from going through my mind.
Lean on us, although we are not there to physically prop you up.
I always smile when I hear these words to DIMYP:
Because of you I am standing tall,
My heart is full of endless gratitude,
You were the one, the one to guide me through,
Now I can see and I believe it's only just beginning.
I hear those words and think of all the friends that I have made at FBB. And you are one those important people in my life.
I love you-
Lynn
Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
I remember one night after my ex left me and I was suffering from depression so bad, I was laying in the tub, crying, and looking hard at the razor.
What stopped me? My daughter. She means the world to me. She had just had one parent leave her - how would she feel if both did?
Since then, whenever that thought popped into my head, I would just think of Bethany. It didn't cure the depression, but it stopped me from doing something stupid.
I love you Coco.
Travis, my friend, it seems you alone understood the motivation behind this post. Thank you for looking beyond mere words.
Lynn and Dana, thank you for being there for me always. I love that you care enough about someone you have never even met, enough to worry about my state of mind, and to offer your support in the face of some truly awful sentiments. No need to worry, though. It is simply my way of getting rid of them in a constructive, rather than destructive, manner. I love you, too.
better late then never..I understand writing word to release the pain. Glad you found the release.
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