Today, fill your cup of life with sunshine and laughter.

31 March 2009

I'm so LAME! ... Life is good and don't forget it!

Yeah, told you I'd be philosophical by today. I was in this big self-pity mode most of the day yesterday. Think I need my synthroid dosage increased or something. My apologies to those who actually read that mess. I left it as a reminder to myself not to get all bent out of joint over insignificant stuff.

Thank you to my friends who emailed and contacted me regarding my post yesterday. I am kinda embarrassed that I made such a fuss over what ended up being essentially a non-issue. This next is my reply to one of the caring emails I received, with love, from one of you dear people:

"The happy fact is that we get to choose our friends. Those who don't make us feel good don't always make the cut. I know I've been incommunicado for the greater part of the past couple of years. I've always been the kind who goes to ground when things are hard, but I never forget my friends. I love you guys a whole lot and, in my heart I'm always with you, even when you don't hear from me for a long time.

I've had to come to grips with who I am over the past few years, since I met this particular group of friends, in fact and I like who I am. No apologies. *grins* Not to say I'm perfect, by any means - in fact, I'm beautifully flawed in every conceivable way. But I'm ready for whatever the future brings. I've met the worst that fate can throw at me and I've dealt with it all and come out a stronger and more confident woman."

So, that's where I'm at, most days. I've made a few changes, perhaps most notably that I don't measure my words quite so carefully before I express myself. I am who I am, love me or hate me. I'm finding out what "happy within myself" feels like, and it's a good place to be.

* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

So, now that I've gotten over that, I can rejoice in the fact that, for the second time in a week, "Ol' Man Winter" had seen fit yesterday to grace us with what we in the teaching profession refer to as an "I-Love-My-Job Day".
Many people greet the news of a heavy snowfall warning with dread and dismay, complaining of shovelling and poor driving conditions. Teachers, on the other hand, have a far more positive outlook of those lovely pristinely white blessings from the skies. I love my job ... *sighs happily*

30 March 2009

Oh Wow ...

Reality check.

I guess I thought that because I didn't forget people, they wouldn't forget me. How wrong a concept is that?

I went blog hopping today and couldn't find my way around a lot of blogs because they have been so changed, but one of the biggest changes I noticed was in the links to other peoples' blogs. Some blogs have removed those links from their main page completely, as far as I can tell, and yet others have minimized their lists to nearly nothing at all. Aesthetics and efficiency above all, I guess.

Yeah, I know I'm not a dedicated blogger, and maybe I don't deserve to be in the same category as those people who blog regularly. I guess I believed that my friends understood how bad things have been, how hard it's been to deal with just breathing some days. I didn't need the hurt feelings of realizing that I've been deleted. "Coco". Four letters. Doesn't take up that much space, but apparently TOO much for some people.

By the way, I have learned to open up to people about how I feel and right now, I feel pretty shitty. I'll be philosophical about this tomorrow. No worries.

28 March 2009

Are We Having Fun Yet?

Winter in New Brunswick. Bleahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Survival seemed the best I could hope for. That, and putting distance between myself and memories of the past. I needed to move on from the things that were dragging me down and preventing me from finding my groove again.

I gained weight since Christmas. Again. *sighs* I suppose I need to address that soon, but I'm in the grip of this horrible apathy right now that invariably signals the end of the winter blahs and precedes the first harbingers of spring here in this muddy wasteland of pre-springlike weather we've been suffering for the past two weeks. I just can't bring myself to care right now.

I have been dating. For some reason, no matter how bad I think I look, dating has never been difficult. Must be my scintillating personality. Yeah. That must be it. *rolls eyes* The last guy who asked me out was 15 years my junior though and when I found that out, I 'bout nearly swallowed my tongue. He sure didn't LOOK 29 ... I don't want to end up being one of "THOSE" kinds of women ... I guess I should've been tipped off by the number of times he used "like" as an interjection in his speech ...

"Like, do you want to go to, like, dinner this Friday, Corinne?" sez he. "I know we've only talked, like, a couple of times but, like, I feel we've got a lot in, like, common."

"Like, sure, that might be, like, fun." I reply, like, certain that he's, like, joking with the, like, juvenile speech patterns. But he, like, totally wasn't ... (okay, slightly exaggerated ...)

So I went to dinner with Junior and had a good meal (like I needed THAT!) and a few laughs (many at his unwitting expense, sadly enough). He's a very pleasant young man but, as I told him during the course of our evening out, I felt like his godmother or something and, although I found him charming (yes, I used that word and confused the heck outta the poor kid), I didn't think we had enough in common to date. He kept assuring me that he found my "maturity" wildly attractive and I was hard pressed to refrain from laughing because these hackneyed lines he delivered were accompanied by his interpretation of a smoulderingly meaningful gaze and heavy-lidded glances at my cleavage. Poor guy. I was so tempted to offer him a glass of milk but I was a good girl and only once did I prop up "the girlz" by crossing my arms under them and resting the whole package on the edge of the table. It was entertaining (and vaguely satisfying) watching his eyes bug out and his jaw drop. Kids these days ... (shakes my head).

Don't know why I was moved to blog here again after over a month, but it just struck me and so here I am. Maybe I'll come here more often. It's a nice place and I like Blogger much better than most of the other places I've tried. For whatever reason, this place feels the most like home. Maybe it's because I still feel such close ties to the people who originally led me here. I miss them, even though I don't watch American Idol or any tv shows anymore, really and that's what brought us together in the first place. I've become a bit of a lone wolf, I suppose, especially these past months, trying to deal with my losses. I suppose I will always feel close to my old Idol buddies, even though I've drifted away ...