Sharing me is not something that comes easy. That's partly because things have been changing a LOT and it's sometimes hard to keep up with who I am and where my life is in the now. I'm a work in progress.
The playlist is a start. These songs are a progression of emotional sharing.
In the past, I felt like I had to be what everyone expected me to be. That's not an easy life to live. Some of you have been in the same place, so you know what I mean. At times, I had no sense of self, because I was someone different for each person. For myself, I was no one. There was nothing left over at the end of the day.
It got to the point where changes had to be made, or there would be nothing at all of "me" to share with anyone. On my journey, I've often made the wrong choices and had to go back to start over. Somehow, I discovered the strength of will to permit myself that luxury.
I had to figure out who I am. It's hard to imagine anyone not knowing that by their 40's. But there have always been plenty of people telling me who and what I should be, but nobody ever asked me who I want to be ... not even me.
It took time and patience, but my charms and my flaws (which have a beauty of their own) began to emerge. Learning to embrace all the things that are uniquely "me" may take a lifetime, but I'm finally up for the challenge. I may not be perfect, but at least now I can be perfectly me.
With that self-acceptance came an unexpected bonus. The person that I discovered inside has a lot to offer. Who knew? There are days when I'm angry, neurotic, impatient, shallow, or just plain unreasonable. There are occasional, increasingly rare flashbacks to the "hard times". I'm learning to deal with myself more gently when that happens. I've learned to remind myself that, underneath, I'm still kind-hearted, understanding, submissive and tolerant, slow to anger, quick to forgive. I still give too much of my time and energy to people who don't really appreciate it. I still offer hugs and an empathetic ear to a hurting soul. I still turn the other cheek. It's all part of who I am.
I am a work in progress.
2 comments:
This is all good, healthy stuff. I think one of the hardest things to do in life is to be gentle with your own flaws. And then to forgive them, accept them, and work them into the whole person.
Maybe that should be a life long progression.
Wonderful...and as an FYI, I always knew that you have a 'lot to offer'
So happy you are seeing it again
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