There was a young Scottish boy called Angus who decided to try life in Australia. He found an apartment in a small block and settled in.
After a week or two, his mother called from Aberdeen to see how her son was doing in his new life.
"I'm fine," Angus said. "But there are some really strange people living in these apartments. One woman cried all day long, another lies on her floor moaning, and there is a guy next door to me who bangs his head on the wall all the time."
"Well, ma laddie," says his mother, "I suggest you don't associate with people like that."
"Oh," says Angus, "I don't, Mum, I don't. No, I just stay inside my apartment all day and night, playing my bagpipes."
Q: What's the definition of a gentleman?
A: Someone who knows how to play the bagpipe, and doesn't.
Q: What's the difference between a cat in the road and a bagpipe in the road?
A: Most people would actually swerve to miss the cat.
Q: Why do pipe bands march when they play?
A: Moving targets are harder to hit.
Q: What's the difference between a bagpipe and an onion?
A: No one cries when you chop up an bagpipe.
Q: What's the difference between a dead snake in the road and a dead bagpiper in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the snake.
Q: How can you tell if a bagpipe is out of tune?
A: Someone is blowing into it.
Q: What's the difference between a bagpipe and a chainsaw?
A: The chain saw doesn't have vibrato.
Q: What's the difference between a bagpipe and a lawn mower.
A: People get upset when someone borrows their lawn mower and doesn't give it back.
Q: What's the difference between a bagpipe and a trampoline?
A: You take off your shoes when you jump on a trampoline.
Q: What's the definition of "optimism"?
A: A bagpiper with a beeper.
Q: What's the range of a bagpipe?
A: Twenty yards if you have a good arm.
Q: Why do pipers walk when they play?
A: They are trying to get away from the sound!
Someone once said, "You don't PLAY bagpipes, you WIELD them."
Q: How can you tell the difference between bagpipe songs?
A: By their names.
Q: Why do most people hate bagpipes right away?
A: It saves time.
"I understand the inventor of the bagpipes was inspired when he saw a man carrying an indignant, asthmatic pig under his arm. Unfortunately, the man-made object never equalled the purity of sound achieved by the pig." - Alfred Hitchcock