Leap of Faith

I'm lucky.

In the past few years, I've met some amazing, awe-inspiring people who have become my friends. I've escaped a bad relationship, divorced, fallen in love, fallen out of love, discovered the true meaning of love, built up a lifetime of memories, survived the death of a deeply beloved person, seen my son learn to deal with his own set of problems and continue to grow as a strong, happy individual ... the list goes on.

There have been some difficult times and there have been setbacks along the road but I'm still here and I'm a better, stronger and more positive person for all the life experiences that these past years have thrown at me. The way I figure it, you can let things get to you in one of two ways: you can let them kill your spirit and become one of the walking dead, or you can suck it up, learn something from it and move on.

Moving on. That's what this is all about. At my lowest point during my divorce, I spoke to a brilliant person who asked me very simply "Are you living in your past or are you looking toward your future?" That was when I realized that I had to let go of my fear, distrust and resentment, and begin to live the life I wanted, not the one I'd been allowed. As long as I thought about my ex, the things he had done or the way he is (he's never going to change - get used to the idea), I was still under his thumb. So I let him go.

Then, I gave myself permission to really like myself. Oh, I'm far from perfect but I'm the best "me" that I can be. That "me", however, is constantly changing according to circumstances, as it does with everyone. And that brings me to the reason for writing this blog today.

A couple years ago, I met someone and loved him with all of my heart. We only had a short time together but he taught me about myself and my capacity to love. One of the greatest things he showed me was that love is limitless and unending. Loving him allowed me to trust my heart enough to love again.

The fates have smiled on me once again. I've met Steve. He's kind and loving and gentle. He adores me and he adores the B-man. Heck, he even loves the dog. And we adore him. We're ready to make a commitment to each other, to be a family. Knowing full well that there are no guarantees in life, we are ready and eager to take this step together. It starts today. Monday, 14 June 2010, as we meet his plane at the airport and welcome him into our family.

I am so lucky ...

Hey buddy, can you spare ... the time?

Wouldn't it be nice if there was a bank or exchange that traded in time. Seconds, minutes, hours ... you get the idea. Then we'd never be able to claim that we were too busy, that we didn't have time for something, because we could simply go get the extra we needed.

I'm a high school music teacher. It's not what I do, it's who I am. Anyone who does anything similar to this will understand that statement. You don't shut it down at 4:30 on the clock or on the weekends, because you don't ever truly clock out, not if you're passionate about it.

June is high season. December, too, but June ... that's when everything seems to culminate in a 24/7 lifestyle. I eat, sleep and breathe end-of-year and graduation events. There is barely enough time to wash and change clothes each day before it starts again. The thing is, I love it! It's one of my two favourite months of the year, the other being (if you couldn't guess) December. All the long hours of hard work and careful preparation pays off. At the end of it, I'm exhausted but there's this particularly sweet feeling of satisfaction that I can't compare to anything else. That's what makes the effort and the time spent worthwhile.

The thing is, there are only so many hours in a day and when you take most of them for one thing, something else gets the short end. Or someone. And it's difficult to justify that when the someone is your kid. My kid is amazing, I keep telling everybody that. He's strong-willed and confident and outgoing and responsible and kind-hearted and all that at seven years of age. I hate it that my job steals time from him ... that's not quite right. I have to acknowledge that I've made the choices which take time away from him in December and June. That's when I wish there was simply more time in a day. But my kid is great. He tells me that this is part of my job and I need to do the best I can at it all the time or the rest of the time won't really matter, no matter how hard I work. Damn, I hate it when my own words come back to nip at my heels.

If you had just one more hour in each day, what would you do with it?

And, because I'm in a thoughtful state of mind now, here's an interesting Palindromesque video ... watch it all the way through, it's only 1'44"

Hmmmmm ...

Random Quote:

We need magic and bliss and power, myth and celebration and religion in our lives, and music is a good way to encapsulate a lot of it.

~Jerry Garcia~

I don't have much to write ... I don't have anything, actually. Things are moving along. Maybe once I'm out of the end-of-year crunch, I'll be able to think outside the here and now. It's all good. Hope you can say the same.